Awards Day
As you’ve probably gathered by now, I spend a lot of time with young adults. When I was nineteen, I thought that I had a lot of things figured out. I didn’t. Neither do my friends, but it doesn’t stop them from thinking that they do. One thing that I’ve heard over and over again from young people throughout the years is that, “you can sleep when you’re dead”. The exact wording has varied, but the sentiment is the same: do as much as you can as fast as you can so that you can suck every second of your life dry of literally everything that there is to experience in it. My first question is, why? I don’t know if any of us who have said this phrase or something like it have ever stopped to really consider why we think we need to just keep on going and keep on doing as many things as possible. I don’t live inside anyone else’s mind, so I’ll just take you into mine and, hopefully, you’ll learn something about yourself as well.
When I was growing up, I was praised for achievements and accomplishments. I’m part of a family that includes small business owners, entrepreneurs, physical therapists, teachers, principals, nurses, politicians, salespeople, and executives. We’re a pretty motivated and successful bunch. So, every time I got an “A” or won an award or was chosen for some honor, I received a lot of praise. This is a good thing, as far as it goes. It’s good to celebrate people when they achieve something, especially if they worked very hard for it. The problem, for me, came mostly from the shame I felt when I wasn’t the best. It came from the lack of support that I got when I didn’t do well. It came from the internalized idea that I was only as good as my accomplishments. And, when you’re only as good as your accomplishments, you set out to acquire as many of them as you can.
So, from as far back as I can remember, I strove to be the best at everything I attempted. This included sports, academics, and various other extracurricular activities. I felt horrible about myself when I wasn’t the best. I was also offended when others didn’t see or acknowledge that I was the best. In the seventh grade, my achievement tactics landed me at the top of my class, not just overall, but in literally every subject. I had the highest grade in English, Science, Social Studies, and Math- all the main things that everyone took. I don’t know if they still do awards days or ceremonies at schools anymore, but, in the early 2000s, towards the end of the year, there was an awards day where teachers and staff gave out awards for various things. Most of the awards were for academic achievement evidenced by the highest grade in each class. When we got to awards day in the spring of 2003, I expected to walk up on that stage no less than four times, if not more because I had likely managed to have the highest average in some other special classes as well. But I didn’t. When my teachers started to give out awards, the strangest thing happened. My friends, who I knew had lower averages than me, were getting the awards for English, Science, Social Studies, and Math. I didn’t get any. Finally, at the end of this wildly disorienting series of events, one of my teachers came up to the mic and said something that I don’t remember, then awarded me some special academic achievement award without publicly acknowledging that I had out-scored everyone in every class.
Thirteen-year-old me was devastated. I felt embarrassed, like I had just gotten the award because they felt bad for me, not because I was smart or a high achiever. I couldn’t handle the “injustice” and my friends even mocked me because they knew that I had the highest grades, but didn’t get the awards. Even to their minds, it was apparent that acknowledgement for achievement was everything. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t publicly the best in the class.
We didn’t have social media when I was in middle school. Now, people try to earn praise and recognition through likes and shares. It’s a different kind of awards ceremony every time you open your phone. For me, the achievement and awards weren’t necessarily about learning and doing the best that I could, although those motives were mixed in there. The biggest driver for me was praise and approval. The same thing that drives many of us. We just go about getting it differently, depending on what means are available.
Being driven by a need for praise and approval means that you’ll really never be satisfied. I earned SO MANY awards for my academic and athletic achievements all throughout my childhood and teen years. I got a full ride to college and I still struggled to believe that I was lovable. I’d feel great about myself for a day or so and then I’d be off, looking for the next mountain to climb. I thought that I was lazy anytime I spent a day doing “nothing”. That last bit, about doing “nothing”, is what I want to press into, in terms of Sabbath.
Last week, I gave you a working definition of “Sabbath” that I hope at least began to untangle some wrong ideas that we’ve, collectively, had about it. I’ve had friends and even church leaders quote Bible verses at me to justify never, ever stopping to rest. When I voiced my exhaustion in my job and my need to just show up on a Sunday morning and be refreshed, I was met with the idea that the church wasn’t a place for me to come and rest- I needed to serve here, too. That was from one of the pastors, so you know that the idea ran deeply in the culture of the place. When I told a young friend recently that they needed to just go back to their room and rest for a while, rather than going to another event that night, they quoted a Bible verse (wildly out of context) about needing to overcome their “flesh” and be strong.
Even in the church, we’ve adopted the idea that doing more and trying harder is the best way to live our lives. We’ve spoken the idea of “adventure” and “never retiring” without any context, over an entire generation of people who are all tired and burnt out. Millennials are leaving the church and even their faith in Jesus in droves because they just can’t do it anymore. They get fed the idea of hustle from the culture and turn around ro find it in their faith community- we’re tired. If we’re paying attention, we are also frustrated with the hypocrisy of the situation because Jesus invites us to come and REST.
I can’t really blame those who walk away from the church. They (we) were never taught about rest. We were taught that Jesus is our Sabbath rest (and HE IS), so we don’t need to ever slow down and stop because you know he’s coming back soon and if you don’t get out there and save people and stop being the worst and do all the things and go on your great adventure of faith, then he’ll be disappointed in you. Don’t waste your time resting. It’s exhausting and we’ve had enough.
I’ve got a question: what is God’s purpose for your life? Not specifically, generally. What is his general purpose for all people? Is it to achieve as much as we can and earn a bunch of Christian XP? Is it to go on a great adventure of faith? Is it to get all of our behaviors in order so that we can earn his praise and approval?
Or.
Could it be that God’s purpose for people is to be in relationship with him? And, as any good therapist will tell you, relationships require trust. Could it be that his purpose for us is to trust him?
If that’s the case, there are several implications. First, to trust God is to take him at his word. And his word has quite a lot to say about our relationship to him. He says that he will meet all of our needs (Matt. 6:25-34). He will make us holy (Lev. 20:7-8). He will make us like him (Rom. 12:1-3). He will complete the work that he began in us (Phil. 1:6). If all of this is true, and I believe that it is, then we don’t have to earn anything. Second, if there’s nothing to earn, then we can truly rest. This is the whole idea behind Matthew 11:28-30. There is work to do and there’s a burden to bear, but it’s easy and light because our value and relationship with Jesus aren’t dependent upon our performance. Our value and relationship with Jesus is dependent upon the work he’s already completed for us. Third, if God’s purpose for people is to be in relationship with him, then he must love us quite a lot. And if he loves us quite a lot, he’s committed to our good (Romans 8:28-29).
I believe, with everything in me, that God’s primary purpose for all people is to reconcile us to him. I believe that he wants a relationship with us so that we can live and work together in his world, as he intended in the beginning. The work he’s given us now is different: it’s a work of redemption and restoration, but it’s still tending the garden of the souls of humanity. But we can’t tend to the needs of others or work for their redemption and restoration if we are not first settled in our own. We can’t tend to the needs of others or work for their redemption and restoration if we are not regularly reminded of our own either. We. Need. Rest.
If we’re always operating out of my thirteen-year-old mindset, then we’ll always be exhausted, discouraged, dissatisfied, angry, and alone. We’ll doubt our worth and never believe that we’re good enough. We’ll be acting as if we could earn God’s approval either initially or retroactively. We can’t. We can’t. That’s why the message of Jesus is such good news.
No matter what you do, have done, or will do, you cannot change God’s heart towards you. No matter what any teacher, leader, pastor, or parent has told you, your value is not contingent upon what you accomplish. He’s done the work. It really is finished. He wants nothing more than to be your father and your friend. Trying to earn your place has burnt you out and nearly killed you. Are you ready to try something new? Could it be that you really were made to work from the rest rather than trying to earn it?