Outsiders

For almost fourteen years, I’ve been a part of the same organization in one way or another. I’ve seen a few trendy things come and go. No matter what the trend of the moment is, you can spot it and use it to identify other people that are part of the organization. For example, a few years ago, everyone was wearing chacos, using Kavu bags, and drinking out of Nalgene water bottles. It was the 2010s and flannels were also really popular, in addition to hoodies and skinny jeans. You could literally dress up as this character for Halloween. If you didn’t normally wear these clothes or use these items and you showed up to my house for a Halloween party in 2013, I’d know exactly what you were going for. It would be funny and spot on.

Clothing is one way that people in a particular culture identify themselves. They all dress the same because it feels nice to belong and fit in. Those who don’t are, at best, looked at as a little funny or, at worst, completely ostracized from the rest of the group. Another way that people in a culture identify themselves is the words and slang that they use. When I was in my twenties, it was very popular among the ladies to talk about being “pursued” by a man for a romantic relationship. (If you know me, you know that makes me want to vomit, scream, and light things on fire simultaneously.) I even knew a girl who got that word tattooed on her left ring finger. I literally praise God that we don’t speak in such a foolish manner anymore, but there are other foolish things that we say now depending on what culture we’re a part of. The buzz words of a community are a kind of secret lingo that we get to use to save ourselves the trouble of explaining what we mean. They can be helpful, but they can also create a stereotype or, worse, outsiders.

I think the trickiest way that we can get swept up into a culture is by its ideas and teachers. Here’s why it’s tricky: some of the ideas and teachers in any given culture are good ones! They’re worth listening to and applying what you learn to your life. You probably agree with many of the ideas and teachers that you encounter in the community that you’re a part of (there’s a reason you became part of a particular culture, after all). But then, after a while, for one reason or another, you stop really considering the merit of the ideas and teachers put in front of you. It could be as innocent as you trust the other people in your community. It could be a little more self-serving in that you just want to fit in and belong. It could be sneakily sinister in that, whether you noticed or not, you’ve been indoctrinated and you now say that you think and believe things that you really don’t think or believe. Maybe you’re scared of standing out or rocking the boat.

My point is this: when we let a culture, rather than our own hearts and minds, set the tone for who we are, we’ve left the path of wisdom. And we’ll hurt others if we encourage them to come along with us.

I want to offer you compassion here. I understand what it’s like to know that something in your community is off-kilter. I know what it’s like to know that someone needs to say something, but if you do, you’ll be met with resistance, slander, and outright lies. I know what it’s like to do the right thing anyway and be outcast, blacklisted, and misunderstood. It’s really tough to question the status quo in footwear, how much more so in ideology?

But the truth remains that we must think for ourselves. Particularly in communities that are trying to follow Jesus, we have to make sure that he is at the center. (See my post from last week for more on this.) When we see our friends and leaders starting to lean into a particular teaching or set of ideas, no matter how wise or trustworthy they are, we do ourselves a great service when we ask if it fits with the life and teachings of Jesus. We do them and the community a greater service when we speak up to affirm or deny the ideas.

I hope that, along with last week’s post, you’re seeing the danger of putting a culture at the center of your life. Like a person or an idea, cultures aren’t meant to hold at the center. When you discovered that Nalgene water bottles were kind of terrible because they were made of plastic and hard to drink out of, I hope that you didn’t have an identity crisis. I hope that you didn’t feel abandoned and forlorn when the other things I mentioned at the beginning of this post went out of style. We can joke about clothing, but it’s much more serious when we are talking about ideas and lifestyles. Who are you anymore if you’re not someone who regurgitates everything that certain popular teacher said? It’s a slippery slope, if you’re not careful.

The other big danger of putting a culture at the center of your life is that you’re much more likely to create outsiders. I used to be a part of a community that had a very specific and, to me, abhorrent culture. There were many things that played into this and they would probably disagree with my characterization of them, but I saw an idolatry of a certain kind of lifestyle present at the center of their community. Because they valued good and God-honoring things so highly, they felt threatened when I said that I didn’t really think that everyone needed to live exactly as they did. Do not misunderstand me: their lifestyles were good and God-honoring. I wanted to live a good and God-honoring life, too. It just wasn’t exactly the same as theirs and had Jesus rather than a certain lifestyle or culture at the center. Do you see what happened? Let me break it down for you.

These people loved Jesus. They wanted to live a good life according to his Word. As they set out to do so, they found some lifestyle choices that were in line with the Scriptures and honored their own gifts and callings. So far, so good. But then they began to live alongside other people, as one does in the world. They began to see that other people wanted to live in line with the Scriptures and honor their own gifts and callings and, because they were different people with different circumstances, that meant that they did different things. Then, the first group began to feel threatened. They were afraid that if they gave people the freedom to make their own choices and listen to God for themselves that they might make mistakes. That they might get it “wrong” (which, as a side note, I don’t think is super likely if you are fervently and humbly seeking after God in his word, but that’s another soap box for another day). And so, out of fear rather than faith, the first group of people decided that they would start teaching that there was a best way to follow Jesus. If you made the same lifestyle choices that they did, then you were certainly honoring God with your life, but if you didn’t, then your very salvation and faith were thrown into question.

For me personally, this was devastating. I’m still recovering and feeling the effects of my experience in this community. I struggle with doubts about who I am and what God wants me to do. I don’t try risky things because I’m scared of getting it wrong and proving them right. Even though I understand more of why these folks treated me the way that they did and I don’t value their assessment of me at all, I still fear their slander and retribution. Every time I fail or something goes poorly, I imagine them looking down on me telling me that they told me so.

The most damaging effect of putting a culture at the center of your life is creating outsiders. It doesn’t feel good to know that you don’t belong. It has led some of my friends to walk away from their faith because they weren’t free to learn to listen to God for themselves. They still think that following Jesus means some very narrow and specific lifestyle choices. They don’t associate the people of God with love, which is how Jesus said that others would know that we were his disciples. It’s heartbreaking to watch because I know that Jesus is different. I know that he didn’t mean for it to be this way. But I can’t stop people from putting the wrong things at the center of their lives.

When our centers are off, our lives are off. When our lives are off, we get disoriented. When we’re disoriented, we reach for control. When we reach for control, we act in fear. When we act in fear, we create outsiders.

The center really, really matters.