Why do you believe it?

Have you ever met someone who didn’t believe in anything? Or maybe someone who just didn’t know what they believed in? Whatever the circumstances, have you ever met someone that had no real reason or guiding principle for living? They didn’t have anything that got them out of the bed in the morning or made all the hard work and living worth it? Consider for a moment what that must feel like: to have no reason to get out of bed in the morning, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, and go about your day with all its difficulties, inconveniences, and chances. What’s it all for, anyway? Why do you do it?

Have you ever been a part of one of those fundraising races, walks, or events? You know, the ones where people get really excited to do fun and/or silly things so that you or others will give them money to support their cause? My extended family used to participate in the Relay for Life, which raises money for the American Cancer Society. Why? My grandmother died of lung cancer in 1999. I like to run, so I’ve done more than a few fundraising 5Ks. In some of those races, you have the opportunity to pin a paper on your shirt that tells everyone who you’re racing for: Mom, Uncle Steve, Renee down the street- you get it. My point is that these events are huge, well-attended, well-organized fundraisers because the people in charge have tapped into your (and thousands of others’) “why”. It’s likely that they have their own “why”, like my extended family in the aughts.

“Why” is incredibly powerful because it motivates us, often with something beyond ourselves. I say, “beyond ourselves” because most of us can’t motivate ourselves to do something simply because it’s a good thing to do. Seriously, even when there’s a huge personal benefit and we objectively know it’s good for us (here’s looking at you vegetables), we often won’t do it. But, for a good portion of us, if we know that what we are doing may benefit someone that we know and love or a cause that we are passionate about, then we are much more willing to do something, sometimes even if it’s difficult or inconvenient. 

People who suffer from anxiety and depression often find the strength to overcome adversity or keep on living despite the difficulty because there are people who they care about. They know that if they give into their darkest thoughts, then those that they love will suffer. They’re living according to their “why”.

A brief digression: we often only do things that serve other people so that we will be seen and validated for doing something noble. That validation comes from the people we are with and from the internet when we post about our most recent “altruistic” escapade. We fail to do things that are good for us, i.e. eating vegetables, because nobody sees us doing that. It’s secret, often unnoticed, and we don’t get any validation for doing things that are good for us like taking care of our bodies. We even get this twisted when we only take care of our bodies so that other people will tell us we look good. Basically, we’re so selfish that we often only do “good” things if other people will see us and think well of us. You can turn that over in your mind later, digression closed.

I hope you’re starting to realize that why you believe or do something is just as important as what you’re believing or doing. Maybe more so. I haven’t decided which part of this whole belief thing is the most important. I’ll let you know when I do.

If we don’t have a “why”, it’s likely that we don’t have a “what” either. You see, what you believe really matters, but as soon as you tell me what you believe, I’m going to ask you why. Context matters, motivation matters, and we don’t do or believe anything for no good reason. At least I hope not. And, if we do, we usually find that it was meaningless, unfulfilling, and a waste of our time.

So, if you’re with me on this journey into the land of our beliefs and motivations, think about what you believe. (If you haven’t done that, go check out my previous post.)

Now, tell me why. Are your beliefs more sentimental than rational? Do you lean more on emotion than facts? Were you raised to believe what you believe by parents and a community that you respect and trust? Were you indoctrinated or abused? Did you study, think, meditate, and come to a rational conclusion about what you believe? Why do you believe what you believe?

This is a really important exercise because I believe that the “what” can change if the “why” is strong, rooted, and worthwhile. (I think I’m talking myself into thinking “why” is more important than “what’.) Let me explain. 

My day job involves working with a lot of young people. The organization that I’m a part of has been around for a long time and there are a lot of systems and best practices in place that have served us and young people well for decades. But, adolescent culture is changing and we’re always learning more about young people in different cultures and contexts around the world. So, in one place “what” might be dinner and large group games. In another, trivia night. In another, music, skits, lights, games, and prizes. In yet another, a scavenger hunt through the city or across campus. All these events are fun and enticing to most young people, but we have to be students of the culture if we’re going to figure out what serves our young people best. And so, the “what” changes, but for every one of these examples, the “why” is the same: pursuing the flourishing of young people through relationships and meaningful conversations.

Do you see what I mean? If your “why” is steady and sure, then your expression can vary tremendously. Parents know this to be true. I don’t know many parents who don’t want to raise healthy, happy, children that are able to function well as adults. But parenting styles vary widely based on culture, beliefs, circumstances, children, and historical periods. We all love our kids, though. Our “why” is the same, even though our “what” is vastly different.

Of course, this can be taken to the extreme and out of context. I believe that our “what” will generally give us some guiding principles that we are unwilling to compromise on for the sake of our “why”, but you can’t really parse that out until you know what and why you believe.

So, it’s time to get serious, if we’re ever going to get serious. Take some time this week and think about not only what, but why you believe what you believe. Start to evaluate the roots of your beliefs and how they are impacting your everyday life. Decide what you’re unwilling to compromise on and what can change. 

Then, join me here again in a couple of weeks. We’ll keep going.