Bits and Pieces

During the past few years, I’ve been dealing with some serious frustrations with the western church.  I’ve written at length about my personal experience with misogyny and unfairness as a minister of the Gospel. I’ve written about our culture, belief, and the doctrine of sin. I’ve mused on how the things that we do and what we allow to occupy our minds turns us into someone. And now, I’m thinking about burnout.

I’ve been asked before and wondered if I’ve ever been burnt out. I think that depends on how you define burnout. I think of burn out as being so worn down by someone or something that you’re just done- you throw in the towel and go home. I’ve certainly been exhausted. I’ve been worn out and needed a break. I’ve had to set boundaries. I’ve wanted to give up more than once, but I’ve never actually done it. While I don’t think that I’ve ever been burnt out, I think that I’ve been close more than once. I attribute the fact that I didn’t reach burnout to the mercy of the Lord and his intervention in my life. At just the right time, I came across some resources and communities that helped me think through what I was experiencing and gave me the space and courage to carry on, when otherwise I would not have.

Being burnt out is about wanting to give up, but it’s also about not having anything left. It’s being so used up that even a time of rest and reprieve doesn’t quite give you what you need to keep going. As a gardener, I have to harvest and prune the plants in my garden. In fact, if I don’t harvest and never prune, the plants won’t produce much fruit at all and what is produced is likely to be sickly. When I harvest and prune the proper amount at the proper time, I get a great harvest with wonderful fruit. I also have to let some plants, berries for example, fall dormant over the winter. If I want them to grow more fruit in the summertime, I have to let them look all but dead during the cold months. I can not force them or try to protect them from the cold so that they keep producing berries. They need the seasonal rest in order to keep going the following year. If I push them by overwintering them in the greenhouse so that they stay in a constant summer-state, they will surely die.

Being burnt out is about using so much of yourself- your time, energy, resources, personal life- that you don’t have anything left. Like a candle whose wax and wick are gone, you cannot be relit. When you’re exhausted and worn out, you need a break. You need to rest and recharge so that you can get back at it. When you’re burnt out, resting won’t get you to a place of renewal- you’re all used up, like that candle- and you have to just quit.

Burnout is antithetical to the heart of the Gospel. 

So often, at least in the Christian circles that I’ve run in, there’s this undercurrent of pressure and guilt to do more. We’re giving into the temptation to compare ourselves to others and figure out the “best” way to follow Jesus. Instead of asking him how he would like us to spend our lives, we’re just looking at the person we think is holiest or closest to God or whatever and doing more of what they’re doing. Nevermind that our lives, circumstances, resources, seasons, abilities, skills, and very bodies are different from theirs. We love a one-size-fits-all, silver-bullet approach to spirituality.

And that’s why so many of us are burnt out.

That’s why so many folks are not only leaving ministry, but walking away from faith in Jesus.

In all four accounts of the life of Jesus Christ, a famous episode is recounted. It’s all important, but there are very few incidents covered in this much detail in all four of the Gospel narratives. Matthew, Mark, and Luke cover most of the same ground with additional details found in each, but John’s account is different for many reasons. In this case, however, all four authors tell of the time where Jesus fed thousands of people with a few bits of bread and some pieces of fish.

Because I’m me, I’ve got to let you know that the 5,000 people traditionally mentioned in the title of this account is a gross underestimate as that’s the headcount of men who were present. We’re talking 15-20,000 people, easy. This is a miracle-worker’s miracle. It’s also pretty public and has some critical things to teach us about burnout.

In Mark (6) and Luke’s (9) account, we learn that Jesus’ disciples have just returned from a missionary journey without him. They are very excited about all that they saw and all that they were able to do, but they’re tired and Jesus invites them to come away with him and get some rest. From Matthew’s (14) account we learn more: Jesus’ cousin and herald of his ministry, John the Baptist, has been beheaded in a gruesome and unjust manner. Jesus has just learned about this when the disciples return. In these three accounts, the disciples and Jesus take a boat to a remote area to get away from the crowds and regroup before they continue their ministry, but the crowds follow them. Not only do they follow them, they follow them in droves and Jesus, who would understandably be a bit irritable, has compassion on them. So, he does what he does and begins to teach and heal the sick.

Now, we’re going to look at John’s (5-6) account to get even more detail. They’ve been out there all day: Jesus, the disciples, and like 20,000 people. This is a remote location in first century Palestine. There’s no food and Jesus turns to Phillip (one of his disciples) and basically asks him where the closest Quick-e-mart is. Ok, ok, he asks him where they’re going to buy enough bread, close enough. And Phillip is like, “YOU’RE THE MESSIAH, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!?! We just got back from this trip, John is dead, these people followed us over here, you’re the Son of God, and you want ME to plan dinner?” He also points out that it would take half a year’s salary just to get one bite for all the men present, much less the women and children.

While this is happening, Andrew, another disciple, rolls up with some kid he found and is like, “I found this kid and he said we could have his lunch, but I’m not sure that’s going to feed everybody”. A little better, but still.

If you’ve read the story, you know what happens next. Jesus tells everybody to sit down. He thanks God for giving them food to eat. Then, he starts tearing off bits of bread and pieces of fish for his disciples to distribute to the crowd. Everybody eats enough and there are leftovers. Freaking wild.

So, what does this have to say about burnout? 

Jesus and his disciples were exhausted, not burnt out. They tried to find some time away, so that they could keep going. When that plan failed and they were presented with the opportunity to minister to those in front of them, they did, but they didn’t have much left. There wasn’t a large program (there rarely was with Jesus and that’s why I like him). Jesus didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, for him, until he started feeding everybody. The disciples didn’t get everything set up or even go on some crazy quest to find any kind of food. The lesson for us on burnout is this: they brought what they had.

Phillip had practical knowledge that tells us just how spectacular this miracle was and the scale of the problem before them. Andrew had his beautiful gift of finding the right person and bringing them to Jesus (he does this several times in the Gospels, look for it on your next read through). The other disciples had their hands and their feet that they used to distribute the food. The people had their hunger both literal and spiritual.

Jesus took care of the rest. 

A couple of the accounts say that Jesus already knew what he was going to do before he even asked the disciples to do something about the crowds and their need for dinner. Jesus probably wanted to teach his disciples several things in this incident. To my point here, I see him teaching them to bring what they’ve got to him and wait expectantly for him to do the rest. He didn’t want them to feed the people on their own, over-extending themselves and spending all their resources.

You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t have to have the most successful program. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be a great speaker. You don’t have to be good at social media. You don’t have to be a good event planner. You don’t have to be trendy, cool, or hip. You don’t have to be clean and sin-free. You don’t have to do what the pastor in the church across town is doing or what the ministers on the other campuses do. Your children’s ministry doesn’t have to be sponsored by Lifeway or whatever.

Bring him what you’ve got.

And stop looking for the Quick-e-mart or half a year’s wages. The how is up to him.

What if you’re burnt out because you’re trying to be like everyone else? What if you can’t do this anymore because what you’re trying to do isn’t really what Jesus asked you to do? Did he ask you to build a giant program with fog machines and popsicles or did he ask you to make disciples? (For the record, I’m not against fog machines or popsicles, I’m just saying that they aren’t the point.) 

What if the disciples missed the miracle because they were looking for money to buy bread instead of looking to see if there was any already around? What if they missed everything because they didn’t believe that what they had was enough? Because it was always enough. Jesus already knew what he was going to do before he even asked for their input.

The cure for burn out is more than a day off, though that can’t hurt. It’s more than some time away. It’s a perspective shift that requires you to understand who is really responsible for working the miracles here. Spoiler: it’s not you.

The bits of bread and the pieces of fish in a little boy’s lunch were enough to feed 20,000ish people. Philip’s practical knowledge was enough to help us see the scale of this miracle. Andrew’s invitation to the little boy was enough to get him to Jesus. The other disciple’s willing hands and feet were enough to get the food to the hungry people. And Jesus’ gratitude and power over creation was enough to make it all happen.

If all that you’ve got in you is “thank you”, that’s enough. If you’ve only got three hours a week, that’s enough. There’s enough in your bank account. There’s enough time in the day. There’s enough skill in your hands and knowledge in your head.

All those bits and pieces were and always are enough. You don’t have to burn up every last ounce of energy and resources that you have. You can’t guilt and shame your way into authentic discipleship. Jesus didn’t ask you to do that. He didn’t ask you to make time. He didn’t ask you to conjure resources. Bring him what you’ve got. Bits and pieces, if that’s all. A couple thousand years ago, that was all he needed. Why would it be any different today?